Of course, Satan was more than willing to use any natural drive, curiosity or need in my immature soul to entice me. Today, restored to sanity by the counsel of the Lord, I recognize the foolishness of this lie which I wanted so desperately to believe. Using the pseudo-intimacy of pornography, I was quickly deceived into imagining I was somehow acceptable to the women in the photographs. He showed me how the adversary’s influence twisted my mind and led me on. Through my counsel with Him, He has shown me how my earliest experiments with delving into the world of pornography were simply a mistaken attempt to pacify my adolescent insecurity about being acceptable to girls. In fact, He has revealed those hidden needs to me with undeniable authority. I understand through the Spirit that He recognizes the unmet needs I have suffered. I know, because I have felt for myself His great compassion for me. Through coming to the oneness of mind with the Lord, or establishing the “conscious contact” encouraged in Step Eleven, I now know that Jesus does not condemn me and never has. Today I see my past sins, and those of others, in the same light President Kimball described the Savior seeing sin: Studying and living the true principles represented in the Twelve Steps’ spiritual approach to addiction recovery has helped me see past my addiction to the great emptiness I was trying to fill by acting out. As I’ve said, I was sure I didn’t need God as much as I needed more willpower. If anyone had suggested to me a few years ago that my sexual addiction had anything to do with my unfulfilled need for God, I would have laughed. Our Greatest Need, the One No Addiction Can Fill Thus, I am simultaneously inviting the Savior and my Heavenly Father to abide with me. By opening my heart and mind to the Holy Ghost, I receive the First Comforter, who, in turn, prepares the way for the Second Comforter, even Jesus Christ. Practicing the “conscious contact” with God that is the focus of Step Eleven feels as if I’ve obtained a bit of heaven while still on earth. This step marks the most glorious reward of living the gospel principles represented in the Twelve Steps. Step Eleven is about improving and deepening my sense of “At-one-ment” with my Savior, with my Jesus.
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